My Feathers

 I begin each day's prayers with "Thank you God". Then proceed with the most tangled, interrupted and distracted thoughts and words imaginable! I cannot fathom how God diciphers or discerns. When I pray in my head, in my constant dialog with God, I am far more eloquent and organized.  But aloud, I am a divine "mess"!

I am often too busy or distracted to finish my prayers or to even slow down and pay attention. Some days I even "demand" a sign from God. Like "Do you hear me? Give me something I can see and relate to!!" Or more like "Give me what I am asking for RIGHT NOW!" Just a simple request from such a shallow gal!

This morning while walking and praying, I searched the woods for the turkeys and deer I see each day in the dawn and dusk. I just wanted a glimpse of them in their habitat...and maybe a photo op! While I saw evidence they exsisted along my route, they were invisible. Was God speaking to me? Was he telling me to trust his presence in my surroundings? Was he telling me to open my eyes, he IS all around me and in me?

I found a feather!!! 

I have a collection of feathers. Each time I pick them up, I am reminded of God's promise of hope and protection. "He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart" Psalm 91:4. 

In this season of my life, however misplaced and uprooted, I am emincely thankful for the quiet and stillness. I am grateful for a slower pace and the opportunity to sit in my grief and walk in most obvious "signs" in nature. I hear him with the wind in the pines, and the bird songs and see him in the wildlife and blossoming of spring!

I find joy in the "feathers " along the journey and the promise of God's refuge!

FALLING

 The stars, seemingly within reach, light up the wide open spaces behind our old farm house!! The air and ground so cold, as a historical cold front causes the temperatures to dip below freezing and into the teens.  Although I know the process of lying on the ground is labored, I am excited to watch the light show horizontally! 

As I snuggle in, the show begins, like the curtain lifting on the stage of the theatre. I recognize many of the "stars" of the show and call them by name!!  No introduction needed.

I soon forget it is freezing outside as I am so enamored with the stars falling from the sky as if orchestrated!!  I make wish after wish, scanning the sky with excitement hoping to make another! 

For this moment in time, I forget the fast paced world and the circles I travel.  I  applaud the "director" and thank him for creating such heavenly beauty!! And, the "director" invites me back anytime and promises a front row seat....eternally!

Are you looking? Do you see?? I pray you do!! Hang on to those wishes....they might just come true! 💜 

HEY GIRL!

 Daughters, sisters, and women, hear my cry!! Guard your heart seriously and love yourselves wholeheartedly! Be forgiving of the generations before you and love them for the love they gave despite their own depletion. We are the healed scars and souls of our ancestors...just as we will become the healers!

Embody your flaws and celebrate your superbness...even when you have no voice! Trust your gut and never, ever bet against it.

Empathy is your strength and courage your vision! Do not discount your instincts as a woman no matter how much love distracts you or your intution!

Let your love shine even in your darkest moments and allow yourself to feel the worthiness of reciprocation!! Be a light as the light always returns light!

You are the womb of all creation...ROAR!

The Answer My Friend is Blowing in the Wind

Sometimes proximity creates calmness of the mind, or at least, provides the opportunity. This week has been the week of opportunities as we have traveled to the beach, and now the farm. The waves and wind carry the methodical messages of "peace" and push the day to day worries a little further back in the mind.

My mind fights hard against these lessons from nature as I struggle to find my place in my relationship, its value, purpose and future. I've not done much planning thus far and now at 54 it seems so relative, necessary and sometimes, regretful. I strive to live one day at a time, and not look backwards at the "what ifs" and the "why nots", but many times,  the angst of uncertainty floats into my mind's eye and steals joy of the present! Not unhappiness, just mindfulness!

"Be still" whispers the waves of the gulf, "know I am God" speaks the breeze and chirping birds of the farm. Quiet now..... The truth belongs to the waves, wind and creatures of nature. They live their purpose daily without fail or fight....steady and consistent no matter the turbulence.  Just the example I find needed!

As the wind blows through my mind, I pray......

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: Courage to change the things I can: And the wisdom to know the difference."

Amen ❤

THIS IS MY FATHER'S WORLD

The santuary for this Sunday morning's worship service is the front porch of my grandparent's old farm house. The gentle breeze....the spirit. The birds and insects....the choir. The stillness....the lesson!

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God....

Change will do ya good....

“Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry.” 
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Last week, in a cleaning frenzy, I found my copy of J.D. Salinger's, "The Catcher in the Rye".  I hadn't thought about that story in years, or how reading it seemed to change my life or at least,  changed my thinking.  So with book in hand, I begin to flip through the pages, reading a timeless story as a fifty year old woman rather than a naive yet pretendious and troubled teenaged girl.   


At this stage in the journey, the quote above struck a different chord, one of familiarity and certainty rather than a prediction.  Maybe it was this very quote that moved me as a teen and heightened by senses to those struggling around me, I am not sure.

Maybe it was the very struggle to belong, the desire to love and be loved. On this day, at age fifty, those words feel as though they were extracted from my own heart, mind and life! 

ENOUGH

“She made broken look beautiful
and strong look invincible.
She walked with the Universe
on her shoulders and made it
look like a pair of wings.” ~Ariana Dancu

 

Dear Beautiful Broken Friend,

Thank you for showing me the scars from your journey and sharing the story of your healing.  It is through sharing that we heal ourselves and encourage others that the struggle isn't without blessing. As women, we divide ourselves many times over and sometimes need to be reminded we are valued and whole no matter the disjointed pieces of circumstance.  Sometimes I am only strong because I see strength in you....and it gives me hope to think one day I might reciprocate your kindness through example. 

I am grateful for your love, friendship and presence in my life no matter the distance.  Thank you, my earthly angels, for always confirming I AM ENOUGH.

As are YOU.....and so it goes!!!

Always,

Maria