Sunday Drive

On Sunday mornings as my mom, sister and I prepared for sunday school and church, my father sat  enjoying his coffee reading the newspaper.  He rarely attended church with us leading me to quietly question his beliefs in God.  During the hours we attended church, he tended our horses.    And it seemed a Sunday tradition, after we all gathered for lunch, my daddy directed us to load up in the car for a drive, a boat ride or horseback riding. My dad worked six days a week and these weekly outings were so necessary as we ALL longed for his attention.

As we traveled the back country roads of my daddy's youth, the pastures and woods where our horses grazed, or the crystal blue springs of the surrounding ponds, we all seemed to follow his direction sitting quietly and observing nature.  Many times we found ourselves off the beaten path watching for the unexpected wildlife listening to an occasional lesson in history, animals or stories about our location.  My father was hard and unyeilding, and my strong will and rebellion kept us at odds most of my adolesence. But while on these adventures, the surroundings dictated our peace and whatever the differences, they seemed to dissolve into the scenery allowing us to just be... teacher and student... father and daughter!  Perhaps, just the lesson God intended!

In recent years, I have come to understand and appreciate my father's escape in nature, his need for peace and calmness in a life full of chaos. It is the beauty and stillness of the water or the calming breeze found on the farm, that I run to when I need clarity and closeness with God.  I believe that while a spiritual relationship with God can be developed, fostered and nurtured in the church,  it cannot truly be appreciated  until you take a SUNDAY DRIVE!!

Building an Altar

Growing up in my conservative little town and family, I am quite certain the definition of a "southern woman" did not include a tattoo!!  I remember at about 15 years old,  spotting a girl with tattoo on an opposing swim team at a meet and thinking it was the COOLEST thing ever.  While swimming on a team was a hobby of mine,  I am assuming this young lady's dedication far exceeded my own considering the butterfly tattooed on her shoulder signified her best stroke. I was certainly intrigued and wanted my own butterfly, not so much for the significance but for the sheer rebellion!   Before this swim meet, tattoos only seemed to be for men who either loved their mothers, eagles and the American flags or wrestlers.  I just assumed getting a tattoo was a right of passage or entertainment of those who served in the military.  Little did I know.....

Many years have passed since I stood on the starting blocks with "the girl with the butterfly tattoo" and my interest in tattoos very much alive but finding the time or real reason to get one, never a priority.  I have initiated many a conversation at cocktail parties on the topic, and have several friends with "ink" but I was never brave enough to follow through, until I was 44 years old!

At this time, I made the decision to end the cancerous relationship consuming my life and seek out some much needed peace!  So, with my band of cheerleaders, off we went to get my first tattoo, a peace sign!!! This wasn't just a tattoo...it was an event.  These women struggled along with me during this season of cancer, both literally and figuratively. Celebrating with a tattoo seemed only fitting.  About a year later, I got a second tattoo, again, with an entourage of friends, this time a spiral, meaning karma, what goes around comes around. I have it inked on the inside of my wrist so I am mindful of how I treat others will come back to me. My third tattoo is of a small cross, on the back of my neck.  This tattoo is also full of symbolism and meaning, perhaps the most of all three!!

A few months ago, while having a conversation with my best friend, LaRaela, the subject of tattoos came up.  And she said, "in biblical times, God commanded his people to build an altar after trials and tribulations. This was their way of "marking" the significance in history....and moving forward."  She was RIGHT!!  My tattoos all represent a significant altar built to remind me of how my history affects my present and my future.  I acknowledge my mistakes and have "peace" about  the past. I am mindful that what goes around comes around, knowing that "karma" applies to all situations and relationships in life, not just negative.  Love returns love!!  The cross tattooed in the center of the back of my neck signifies my belief in God, the center of my being, although he cannot be seen, KNOWING he is ever present!

Now I understand why the men serving our country "marked" their history.  I wear my tattoos proudly each one signifying a personal altar marked in history.  Each one celebrating a journey....my own!!!

A Lesson In Beauty

Outside the dining room window of my grandparents' farmhouse was the most majestic fig tree! Red birds decorated the branches like baubles on a Christmas tree as they filled their bellies with the sunflower seeds my Pa sprinkled on the ground below. I remember, like yesterday asking my Granny Rie why some of the birds were "redder" than others. Some were actually prettier.

She gently explained that the female birds were less vibrant than the males because of their roles in nature. They needed to blend with the scenery to protect their young. It was not their choice but their definition by nature....God. She also told me that their color reminded her of the barn that stood in spite of itself next to the old house. It too, was less vibrant, but had protected the corn in the crib to feed the cattle during the winter months, housed the equipment from inclimate weather, and kept the newborns warm in the stables. Faded and worn but beautiful because of its purpose.

Her answer led me to look at my surroundings differently. Beauty isn't always found in the most vibrant, obvious or expected. It truly belongs to everyone and everything. Sometimes the very purpose or love of something makes it beautiful. I guess that's what is meant by the expression, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I know the vibrant and bold colors of red were my grandmother's favorite. She wore it in her best Sunday dresses and carefully drew it on her lips. But I think she identified more with the female cardinal and the old barn's shades of red. She saw them as beautiful because of her own purpose. She was the mother of ten children and her role and purpose was somewhat defined for her. She found beauty in this life and raised her family in the background or camouflage of the vibrant male, father, husband and local farmer. She loved her gentle role in nature and her subtle beauty is found in all of her offspring. She watched over them and protected them and cheered them on when time to leave the nest behind. She gave them roots and wings.

Much of my own talent comes solely from nature. I did not study art or design in college. My passion for design comes from my roots and wings.

A Godly Woman

During my recent visit with Miss Annie, she directed me, "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE"!!! She gently reminded me while holding my hand in her own that I am not defined by my past mistakes, but forgiven!! "Remember who you are, Maria. You are a child of God...and so blessed beyond your circumstances!" I stopped in for a visit to brighten her day, but, KNOW I drove away far more rewarded! The dictionary defines the word blessing as; 1 a : the act or words of one that blesses b :approval, encouragement. 2: a thing conducive to happiness or welfare. In my family, we define HER as Miss Annie. While I grew up loving my grandmothers and spending time with them, it is the woman placed in my life, not by birth, but by purpose that I treasure as my GODmother. Miss Annie's life serves as light to those around her, and one of the finest examples of a godly woman I know.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.....

As a young girl, I have fond memories of finding "the sisters" sitting shoulder to shoulder every Sunday in our church. Some with spouses and some without, nonetheless, worshiping together and supporting each other. I loved trying to tell them apart....Miss Ruby, the teacher, Miss Opal, with purple irredesent hair, Miss Hattie, so serious, and Miss Annie, full of laughter, stories, and quick witted! These women shaped our church and I know shaped me through Sunday School, Bible School, GA's, Choir and their ever presence on that pew EVERY Sunday morning!

Somewhere in the walls of that santuary, I learned to sing.  And on the mornings I braved the congregation to share my song, it was those "sisters" sitting to my right, shoulder to shoulder, that gave me comfort, knowing no matter how lovely or NOT....they would be the first to surround me and tell me it was wonderful! Forever encouraging, forever positive and ALWAYS UPLIFTING.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.....

It was in the spring of my sophomore year in college that Chipola Jr. College presented "Godspell". It was not welcomed by a few of Marianna's churches and there were newspaper articles and much "talk" about blasphemy and how this play disrespected the church, and reflected devil worship.  AND yet, as I opened the show with the first lines of the play,.....sitting shoulder to shoulder were "the sisters"! Miss Annie and her sisters were not swayed by the rhetoric of church politics, they were independent women responsible for their own actions, religion and deeds.  If my memory serves, it is my recollection that they attended the play, not just once, but every night! This action alone inspired me....as a woman and a christian. These godly women were pioneers not only of their own generation BUT MINE! God doesn't require us to follow popular opinion, but to have the courage to act and think for ourselves.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.....

In a few years to follow, my parents divorced and it was at that moment, God KNEW we needed Miss Annie. She swooped in and breathed positive thoughts and love into my mother and lifted us all to a higher level of thinking. She became a mother to my mother, and in turn, a grandmother to my sister and me. I don't honestly believe my mom knew or had truly ever been told just how wonderful she was....but you can bet Miss Annie told her, showed up and reassured her that she was valued and loved!! She remains a great source of validation and support for my mom, forever with a positive word and deed!!! While I know Miss Annie longed for children of her own, I do hope she KNOWS, in her very bones, just how much she is loved and valued by her GODfamily!!

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, MISS ANNIE....

Thinking back over my lifetime, I feel so fortunate to have Miss Annie planted in my path! As she reminded me just the other day, it takes being a certain age and faith to KNOW we are okay no matter what life throws at us. In age, we realize we aren't here to compete with each other or judge, but to love and lift one another up because no one gets through life unscathed from disappointments or heartache. We can choose to be dissolved into the depths of our circumstances and remain negative or reach beyond our current standings, and KNOW that God is with us, loves us and has a purpose for us. I have found Miss Annie's words true in my own life as I have struggled to overcome some really painful years, finding the positive and perhaps the lesson, provides great strength and blessings. Focusing on what is good always returns GOOD!! I am forever thankful for this woman who radiates such a godly example of living....not perfectly, but positively! I am blessed beyond measure to know she IS my family and her influence will be generated throughout me and my children. Not to mention, I am CERTAIN I inherited her fine sense of humor and ability to find humor in everything!!! Thank you Miss Annie for loving me and for providing me the tools needed to continue my journey.....and yours!!